PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
