My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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