How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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