I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
