I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
