I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
