She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
