You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
