So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Damn victory sex feels great
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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