I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize