I'm jealous of your bromance
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
