saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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