6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
