I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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