There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
