Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
