how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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