My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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