I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
