If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize