Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
