I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
