She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
