We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
