Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
