Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
