I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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