she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
