6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
