And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
