I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
