Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
