I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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