If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize