I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
