I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
