ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
