playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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