like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
