$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
