If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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