I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
