it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
