...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
