Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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