im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize