i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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