Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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