Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
