whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
