Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
