went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
