Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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