Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
