When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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