It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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