did you get engaged???
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize