the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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