listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
