His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
