I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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