you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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