If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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