i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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