new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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