Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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